Where are the black WAGs?

For those not in the know, a WAG is a wife or girlfriend of a famous sports personality, usually a Premiership footballer. The Queen of WAGS is Victoria Beckham, followed hotly on the often Jimmy Choo-ed heels by Cheryl Cole, Coleen Rooney and Alex Curran. The acronym suits. Puppy-dog-esque, like tails, they are the appendages to these footie animals.

I know that my question seems like an odd one to ask, especially when the nation is undertaking the ostensibly more serious enquiry of why there is only one female politician in the Cabinet and whether black female MP Diane Abbott's nomination is mere tokenism. After all, can we really moan the fact that there are no club-hopping, hair-extension wearing, acrylic-nail toting, designer-handbag sporting, Manolo-pointing shallow and dim ladies at the sides of some of the most shallow and probably most promiscuous males in Europe? It’s not as if we are moaning about the lack of black people in the professions, or in business, or even in the fashion industry? Isn’t this debate a bit puerile, I asked myself?

It all started when I saw a black WAG for the first time on reality TV (Chantelle Tagoe, the traded in younger model -wife of Emile Heskey on Come Dine With Me) I wondered, why it was, when three quarters of the Premiership is black, I could not name 5 black WAGs. In fact, I could not name 3. Is it overreaching to find some sort of trend? Does anyone else find this strange? I do not think that the question is an illegitimate one- were the football boot on the other foot- if most English players were all going for black women as soon as they reached the top, we would definitely see a few raised eyebrows. Fact is most people tend to marry and date people of similar backgrounds- what is it about these footballers that make them different?

I decided to start some investigations. I found out that out of all 8 black players on the national England team, only Emile Heskey had a black partner. It definitely isn’t just because white women are perceived as more attractive. Exhibit 1 to disprove this- OOO Jude Cisse- overweight, overbearing and old. Exhibit 2- Rio Ferdinand’s wife. Nuff said.

Uche Nworah, in his very strongly worded 2006 piece “Black Brothers and their White Chicks” on the lack of black female wives and girlfriends, asks what is it about white women and successful black men because he perceives a definite cross over once “brothas” reach the top. He questions whether it is results from a low inferiority complex and poor self esteem, in that a partner is used as access to an ultra conservative English society. He affirms that it should be black women who should be crawling the West End’s boutiques and Soho’s clubs. He lambastes Thierry Henry, Jermaine Defoe, Rio Ferdinand, Christian Therembeau. I share Uche’s curiosity but I must admit that I do not adopt his conclusions. (Nor do I think that either of the aforementioned are good catches). I do not think black women should be fighting for the indignity of crawling clubs after a philandering man or wasting cash on designer labels, (not when they could be raising funds to assist the villages of many of these players' home countries). I also question his access theory- the societies that many of these WAGS belong are not ultra conservative (in fact just the opposite) so it is unlikely that they would be getting the proverbial step up to the polo and golf playing set. I am not sure how dating Jordan and siring a child with her could have possibly improved Dwight Yorke’s self esteem.

I, personally, do not think this is a phenomenon only encountered at the richest end of the spectrum. Statistics show that 50% of black men in the UK are involved in interracial relationships. Perhaps it is merely the culmination and the net effect of being bombarded with pert pink breasts in Nuts magazines (instead of hefty brown ones) and with blonde blue eyed babes being the ultimate objects of desire in most television programmes and films It might be as simple as a question of circumstance. I hardly see any black women in the VIP sections in Mahiki, CC Club and Boujis. Is it just that they cannot pick from what they do not see or encounter?

However, David Matthews, in his Evening Standard piece “Why I prefer to Date White Women” adds a few other factors in the mix. He argues (forcefully) that it has nothing to do with identity issues, unhealthy predilections, self hate and black effacement as some black women wish to allege. (Really?) He states simply, that it primarily is because black women give men a hard time. He cites approachability as the main factor influencing his choice. I must admit that I have seen it sometimes myself- we go to a club, screw when a man comes up to us, check him out surreptiously, ask our friends what they think, all before we decide to accept an offer of a drink. No footballer will put up with that, not when there are a bevy of women, fighting for his attention. Is it because we have too much attitude, too much swagger? There is a good chance that he has a point (although as usual, this is a very sweeping generalisation).

David Matthews also complains that in spite of the sexual posturing of the hip hop videos, most black women are not very comfortable with owning their sexuality and are sometimes even conservative or prude. He moans that we are surprisingly old fashioned. By contrast (he said it, not me), white women are more daring, self assured and adventurous in the bedroom. He adds that our conservatism extends to the dating ritual, making us “scary”. He says most of the black women he meets are obsessed with a man’s earning power but admits that there is a stereotype that most black women are confrontational and belligerent.

Does David Matthews simply mean that black women are less free with sexual favours? This might be a dealbreaker with footballers who expect to bust a nut on the first night, so if this is true, then it might be a factor. However, I must say, from personal experience and the experience of my friends, I think David speaks of a generation 20 years previous. The black women I know are confident in their sexuality and own it. I have also met many conservative white women. I hate stereotypes. He might be right in that because of religious and family backgrounds, we are fairly conservative in the dating ritual- we expect to be treated like ladies, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am not going to apologise. There are, however, many of us who are ladettes and give men a run from the money from the word go. We are not a monolithic group of people. On the “obsession” with money, the number of black women who hold down a home by themselves far exceeds the national average. A single black woman needs a partner not a burden. It might be that we may be more direct about a man’s earning power but from the reality TV shows I have seen, nothing about Danielle Lloyd’s shopping habits suggests that she is any less obsessed.

I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between. As a pro footballer earning 80,000 pounds a week, you probably would want the best car money could buy, live in the best house money could buy, and by extension, shag the best women money could buy. All of these things depend on perception- the best car is the one everyone wants, the best postcode is the most enviable one. The definition of that "best" woman necessarily depends on societal and peer expectations. Men feel like men when they are dating the one everyone else wants to date. Black men are no different. It may also be a product of circumstance. There are very few black women I know of (other than Charley Uchea) who would put themselves out of the way to visit Faces in Essex to be picked up by a footballer. There are even fewer who would put up with the behaviour of these men. I honestly cannot see a black woman in the role of a longsuffering wife who would maintain a stony silence in the face of blatant philandering a la Tony Poole, Coleen Rooney, Cheryl Cole and Victoria Beckham. There would be a lot of aggro and yes, aggression.

At the end of the day, people love who they love and I am cool with that. As long as preferences are not justified by the assertion that black women in general are lacking in some way, I am happy. In the grand scheme of things it really does not matter but it did put a smile on my face when I saw Shaun Wright-Phillips had a black girlfriend- Sian Owen - professional ballet dancer.

That Kenywn Jones married his childhood sweetheart Avalon (to the right) and they have three beautiful children.

 That Andy Cole married his girlfriend Shirley in 2002.

That William Gallas is married to Nadege Gallas.

It might seem unimportant to some but when reports are rife about the broken black families in the UK, it helps that a few of the idolised few at the top are proving that there is nothing wrong with us or with having a black family.

Everybody hates... Ashley Cole

Why does everybody hate Ashley Cole?


A black cab driver who took Cheryl Cole home once, told me that when he got to Cole mansions, he saw a strange man lurking around the manor. He shouted “Careful of that guy- he looks dodgy”, as Her Royal Majesty, “Nation’s Sweetheart” stepped out and made to enter. “Don’t worry” she reportedly chirped nonchalantly. That “dodgy” guy was Ashley Cole, Cheryl’s husband. Whether this was because Ashley Cole had a generally dodgy demeanour or whether it was the fact that he was a black man hanging around a posh house, I do not know but what I do know is that he seems to have a chronic case of an almost pulmonary hate-attack.

Even Facebook users have got in on the action- the group I hate Child Rapists has 171 members, , the group “Ashley Cole, what a wanker!” has over 90,000. The jokes are relentlessly cruel. I recently read one that went: “Ashley Cole goes to borrow a book on suicide, what does the librarian say? Keep it Keep it”. Fans want blood- on football discussion boards they say that they want his eyeballs out and that he deserves to die a slow death. Yes, I kid you not. A lot of people I know say they have “haters”. They make me laugh. No one is hated as much as poor Ashley.

I had not realised it was that serious because the allegations that follow Ashley are not any different to the allegations faced by many other Premiership footballers, notably David Beckham, the demi-God, when he was accused of bedding Rebecca Loos. It was curious then that the British media blamed Victoria- she was the one who refused to move to Spain, she looked too fake in her too long hair extensions and she was too skinny. There was no mob baying for a divorce. Victoria was encouraged to look beyond the alleged affair. As a forceful retort, we saw her 9 months later, bloomingly pregnant They then moved to the USA to live in wedded unperturbed matrimonial bliss. Even Wayne Rooney, who most women could not bear to shag (even if he asked nicely) cheated on then girlfriend Coleen with a prostitute. More recently, John Terry has been accused of bedding the mother of his team-mate’s son and forcing her to have an abortion. He also tried to gag the press not to speak about the matter via a super injunction. Indeed, he was stripped of the captaincy due to the controversy, but he was also given “compassionate leave” to sort the matter out on a sun drenched beach in Dubai and his forgiving doormat wife posed lovingly. By way of contrast, Ashley allegedly tried to cheat on Cheryl with a woman in a cheap Primark dress (he was too sick to be really successful) and sent a couple of nude pictures. When there were further allegations that he actually cheated with five other women, he got fined by Chelsea and was publicly divorced by his wife, mere days before the World Cup.

(Cheryl knew the marriage would not last so she only splashed on half a dress).

To disclose my ambivalence, I must say that I am not a big Cheryl fan. I like her enough on the X Factor and I think she is pretty but something about her strikes a discordant chord with me. Maybe it was the fact that she was mean to a toilet attendant. Surely the irony must not have been lost on Cheryl that there she was, an award winning singer, involved in a physical altercation with a woman who had to work in a loo for a living. She allegedly called the woman a “black bitch” and “a Caribbean jigaboo” (although she was cleared of racially aggravated assault) but even if she just called her a “fucking bitch” as she claims, I cannot square that with her saccharine mixture of Haribo and Barbie Doll sweet television persona. It seems fake.

Football fans say they hate Ashley because he is an ungrateful, disloyal git. They hate the fact that in his autobiography, he nearly “swerved” and hit his car when he learnt that he was only going to get paid 55,000 pounds a week by Arsenal. This is a strange thing to include in a book that would be read by people wishing they could earn half of this figure in one year so I am also wondering if his agent is not also secretly in on the hate-fest. However, when considering that most top players are being paid almost double this amount, I find it difficult not to justify his indignance. I don’t know about anyone else, but I would be mega pissed off if I found out that my colleagues were making double my wages even though we did the same job. They said that he had no loyalty to Arsenal, yet Wayne Rooney, who left his beloved Everton to play for Manchester is revered on the pitch. Fact is, football has a short shelf life and an injury in any game can mean the end of one’s career, so players always need to act in their current best interests. Ashley Cole has done anything any other footballers had not done in the past.

It has been posited that the intensity of hate directed towards Ashley is in equal proportion to the love directed towards his wife and the more exposed profile of their marriage. People seem to believe that Cheryl has probably become the Lady Diana of the Twenteens. I am not convinced; Cheryl is no Di, not in style, not in taste, not in charity, and not in the opinion of lots of people, I dare say.

Based on my perusal of the message boards and press, it seems like many people, feel, quite simply, that Cheryl has married beneath her, despite the fact that she really can’t sing if her last supper depended on it, despite the fact that she is just an average dancer, despite the fact that she only left school with a few O’Levels, and despite the fact that underneath the veneers, hair extensions and L’Oreal hair dye, she is not that stunning. There seems to be a feeling that no one would be stupid enough to cheat on Cheryl Cole. This, mostly from men, who would jump on anything that had a heartbeat. I am not so optimistic that there are not even more stupid men out there. On balance, I think Cheryl did quite well for herself. Not being the brightest Crayola in the box, the girl managed to marry one of the most talented sportsmen in the world, and arguably the best and most visible left back with an earning power that exceeded her album sales at the time. And yes, I am going to go there. Is some of this targeted hatred towards Ashley Cole based on the fact that here is this “half-caste” half black man, who has been handed the best of the English rose on a gold plated platter and he has decided that the head chef has not served him up enough? Is there some latent feeling of wanting the nigger to know his place?

It is clear that Ashley is quite simply a talented and not very intelligent young man who has made the very same mistakes that lots of moneyed and talented men in the UK make and will make on a daily basis when confronted with more money than common sense. Excerpts from Ashley’s book actually show, that deep down, he is still a little boy looking and fighting for approval and craving the attention. He was gutted that no one was screaming his name on the pitch and it seems like he tried to seek validation and attention wrongfully, outside his marriage. However, making him into the “baddie” is rich, especially coming from the media personalities whose very own lives, if held up to the same scrutiny, might be found to be replete with scandal. However, unlike a lot of other “celebrities”, Ashley never lied to us about who he was and what he represented. He has always been a stupid lad who picked up women at the CC club. And Cheryl Tweedy, at the time, was happy enough to buy it.

(Main pic from kameraloud.wordpress)