A Man for All Seasons

I voted for the old blind man today.

I have actually surprised myself as at the start of the campaign that was not my intention. I was very tired of Labour. Lewisham, the borough where I live is the crossroad between up and coming and ghetto. Lewisham has always voted Labour and has almost nothing to show for it but a town centre that sprawls with low-value shops, an unkempt market selling produce "pound a bowl", loud uncouth black youth who do not deign to speak English, scream on the bus and say random things like "you get me blud", a shopping centre that flails with faded glory, a rash of chicken and kebab shops and a huge Primark.

I am first and foremost a thoroughbred Liberal Democrat. I believe in equality before taxation and that the very poorest should not pay tax because most poor people really need the money, even when some of them appear to spend the cash that stings my pockets on trainers at JJB Sports. I believe in empathy and amnesty for immigrants because they have survived much more than I ever can, even when I see the Somali asylum seeker supplied with a council house and I have to catch my arse to purchase a one bedroom semi. I believe that a stronger Europe is a stronger Britain, even when Polish workers undercut British workers because I know that this is what makes markets competitive. I believe in an environmentally friendly, green Britain even when I complain about having to sort my rubbish into neat piles. I believe in the greater good for the community even at the expense of my individual and personal discomfort. And A.O (After Obama for those not in the know), I was also hungry for change.

I won't recite the reasons stated in my earlier blog but Gordon did not seem very attractive. Cameron was out of the question. Nick certainly seemed like the best choice. However, in the last few weeks, contrarian that I am, I suffered a swing of sympathy away from Nick Clegg towards the man who weathered the storm with grace and dignity.

His diligent note taking on the platform almost made me weep. This was a bookworm like me who cared about the small points and who liked to make things add up. His genuine response to Bigotgate told me that he was sincere. I would have said the same thing myself to anyone telling me that Eastern Europeans were flocking Britain. Pity Eastern Europeans can't vote. His plans were detailed and well thought out. He appeared statesman-like. He did not struggle. I saw Bigotgate being reported this morning in the Metro as the "image of the election" and I wondered if it were only me who thought that this was sad. You could sense Gordon's discomfort with large scale PR, lights and flash. This was not a ready-meal candidate. This was no red carpet bling bling Prime Minister. Sure, he was not extraordinary in look or image, but he was the best we had in terms of policy and experience. This was an honest man, with honest views. It was only when I saw that the media and swing polls reported his "performance" (yes, that's what they called it) as lack lustre, when I thought both Clegg and Cameron came out soft and underprepared, that I knew that this was an X-factor, tweeterific election and I knew that I could not fail to give Labour another chance. This country, this party, this man, needed my vote.

The Great British Public will speak tonight. And it is very likely (if we believe the polls) that we will wake up to a blue Britain tomorrow. Change will be coming to Britain. But will it be the right change? I will, however, stand confident in my belief that I voted for the right man. A man who weathered the financial storm and has righted Britain to its feet without the riots we see now in Athens. A man who jubilantly brought the Olympics to London. A man who weathered adversity and waited in the wings for his turn, his time. A decent father, husband, statesman. A man for all seasons.

Prime Minister, Prime Minister... wherefore art thou Prime Minister?

The UK General Elections is in exactly 5 weeks, and to be perfectly honest the entire nation is probably more interested (judging from the Daily Mail) in whether Katie Price is going to fall pregnant to Alex Reid or whether Deity Beckham’s Achilles tendon will heal in time for the World Cup. This level of apathy is unparalleled. It is a sad state of affairs when the country that bequeathed its legacy of democracy to the United States and to the developing world seems to show less than zero interest in electing a leader. People just don’t give a damn.

I kind of get it. It’s like when the builders come to your house and ask “Do you want that shade of grey, or that shade of grey?” Part of you wants to scream “I don’t give a shit. It’s all grey. Just paint the f**ing walls!"”
In Grenada, for example, politics is deeply personal. “Haul yuh stink and corrupt NNP ass”, “Yuh deceitful NDCite- Coardite!” (Coardite being negative because it denotes the betrayal of the Grenadian Christ- Maurice Bishop).  Maybe it’s because we were liberated by the  1979 Grenada Revolution after our parents experienced the dictator years of Eric Matthew Gairy and  as a consequence we now hold democracy to our bosom. Again, when I visited Ghana, I found politics associative, tribal and instinctive- I witnessed an impromptu Fanti rally and it was so heartening to see young men and women with drums, up in arms, red t-shirts, stamping their pride and ownership on a political party.

Here, there is no excitement, no anticipation, precisely because there is nothing to get excited about. I personally am more excited about payday.The elections are like the English weather- drab, grey and boring. The English accept their lot in life stoically and I have learnt that you just accept that the choice is between Brown, Cameron and Clegg. No primaries and secondaries. No fuss. No rallies, defining speeches and mass television coverage. No speculation on what potential First Wives are wearing. We just get on with it. We do not challenge why there is no firebrand, no fresh and vibrant faces, no change. In fact, "Change is coming to the UK" just sounds wrong. Its a bad word. Change is the antithesis of good- English people don't even like switching their teabags (oh no you must get Twinings, not PG Tips!) and Sainsburys is still lagging behind Tesco with their tagline of "Try Something New Today".

To be honest there is probably nothing wrong with Gordon Brown. Except that he seems is really boring. Not the type of guy I would like to go for a beer with down the pub, were I the pub type ( I am a bar typa girl, no smelly pubs for me).  He seems like the kind who would split the bill based on what he drank ( I owe you exactly 3 pounds, 85 pence)- a mean grumpy tightwad. I don’t know why I think he is tight- I just do. He looks tight. In fact, Gordon and Sarah Brown are like those aunts that you don’t really like because they get you a really sensible jumper at M&S instead of cash. Too safe, too familiar, too ordinary. A Prime Minister needs to be just that. Prime. Like rare filet mignon, a touch of the extraordinary, a certain flair and charm and charisma and can't-put-your-finger-on-it zinginess! Electing a Prime Minister is a bit like electing Ms England, he needs to be able to own the World Stage. I can see Sarkozy owning it, I can see Obama owning it, I can even see Zuma owning it but to be honest I can’t see Brown owning anything except some mittens. He is meant to be the face of Britain and to be honest the face of Britain looks staid, dour, grey and dowdy. It needs a facelift and not one that Sarah Brown in her Erdem dresses can do on her own.

As for David Cameron, I don’t like him either. Too glib and easy to please. He seems too perfect- he says can cook proper food (pork belly and lamb), he uses Itunes, he watches romcoms with his wife and he likes Disney. It doesn't seem true- are there really men out there like that?  And besides, he’s a Tory. Out of the question. I just can't get past the Toryism. I must admit that his interviews are all very interesting but interesting interviews do not a Prime Minister make. I find him all style over substance, not liberal enough (married families tax credit just takes the biscuit!) and to be honest,  yes, too privileged. I like the idea of a Prime Minister coming from the working class just because we have enough privileged people at the helm of Britain. He also does not have that Obamesque fire in his belly. I must admit I am not keen on Samantha Cameron either. She is too skinny. I don’t trust skinny women. Everytime I see her I think of that quote in Julius Caesar "Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look. He thinks too much.. such men are dangerous". Today I found out she's expecting, and while I am truly pleased for them (they lost a child recently) I can't help think "oh great" as I suppose now he gets the Malia-Sasha factor. (Edited to add: Okay I admit I warmed up to her a little bit more when I found out that she is the creative director of Smythson and they have the coolest handbags in pastel!)

Nick Clegg from the Lib Dems is okay. A hybrid mutant between those of us stuck between the boring dichotomy. But do we want our next leader to be just okay?The Lib Dems are probably the party with which I feel the most affinity (in terms of my views). This is supposed to be the party for those of us who are fed up with a stale way of doing things but nothing about Nick screams fresh and vibrant to me-another Englishman in a grey suit. Surprise surprise. And they want me to pay more taxes, which as a liberal socialist I should be happy about but sod it, I ain't pleased. That's my Primani budget right there.

Where is our Al Gore, our Hillary Clinton? I pass on Sarah Palin. I also pass on Mr O as he is one of a kind. Just something, somebody, fresh and non establishment. Someone cool. Someone with bright ideas, who is articulate and who has that certain je ne sais quoi,  maybe a Londoner with an Estuary accent who talks the talk and walks the walk. Or maybe a woman? What happened to Blair's Babes? Did they get into a handbag fight with Cherie? Goddamit, isn't this the country of the Iron Lady! There should be some Iron Ladettes in training by now, surely! Or maybe, to hell with all the ballots and registration, since Simon Cowell has conquered America (something the forefathers failed to do in the Boston Tea Party) he should be handed the reins of the country. At least it would make interesting viewing.