Daddy Don't Touch me There: Suffering Sex in the Caribbean

I thought I knew quite a lot about underage and premature sexual activity in the Caribbean. My town, Victoria, was christened Grand Pauvre in the early years by the French, a damning baptismal indictment that its residents struggle to escape and defy. I know first hand that there is power in a name. The village of Coast Guard, which perches over Grand Pauvre almost like a peeping Tom and whose residents had no view but our underprivilege and our underinvestment, was notorious in the 1990's for having the highest teenage birth rate in the Eastern Caribbean. Third world development pundits say it and I witnessed it: poor people have a lot of sex. However, they have a cockeyed view, they do not know all of it: poor people suffer a lot of sex.

Through conversations with parents, neighbours, friends, I knew the behind-the-blinds stories and histories of one of neighbours- an old snarled man with one irregular yellowing tooth who systematically abused three of his daughters and his son, forcing his son, now with learning difficulties, to have sex with his blood sister. I know that such abuse can be generational and its effects can spiral outwards and explode, dysfunctionally. The granddaughter of this man, at three years old, was asking little boys in her kindergarten class whether she could suck their balls. She was later abused by her uncle, who rightfully ended up in jail (with the intervention of a family member) but was only sentenced to three months (Did Lady Justice die?). Her then thirteen year old sister regularly engaged in transactional sex with a man thirty years her senior, who would buy her, as her younger sibling boldly related to me, hairclips, thongs and food.

I have spoken with young girls who do not leave their parents' home for school in the mornings but leave instead from the homes of their older enablers; young girls who had to become housewives and carers because an older, more financially secure man provided a bus fare, a house with better sanitation and living conditions, and paid for school books. I wonder how those men who are not worthy of the name feel to see these children they abuse ironing, washing, and wearing their school uniforms. I guess the irony is lost. The line is often blurred and crossed between parent and child, lover and guardian. Two men I knew who engaged in opportunistic sex took pleasure in boasting that they "minded" (ie financially supported) the victims, in one case said victim sitting in the same class with his daughter. Cases too numerous too mention have been settled out of court for indeterminate sums, demeaning prices branded and stuck on the heads and vaginas of our daughters. The men engaging in this conduct were almost never castigated. Their peers continued to play dominoes with them, they frequented local rumshops, some even came to church and took Communion. It was not expected but it was certainly tolerated; one of the men who indulged in open transactional sex with young girls in my community was a well revered educated man. It was almost as if mothers wished to gift their children in exchange for fragile promises.

Nothing prepared me, however, for the report on child sexual abuse in the Eastern Caribbean. Conducted by UNICEF/UNIFEM and funded by DfID, this report is sad, frightening and shocking all at the same time. Sad because of the depth of the problem, frightening because of its scale, and shocking because of the silence. The effects of untreated sexual abuse continue to spiral out of control.

I know that not only poor people suffer sexual abuse. One victim tells of how the commonly held view, that only persons of low educational background abuse children, was used in one instance to victimise an innocent man. The experience relayed was that the person had been raped at the age of nine by a man of considerable social standing within the local community, however the child was pressurised by the police to say that it had been another man, someone who had learning difficulties and was known as a local vagrant. What is significant, however, is that among poor people, its incidence is very open and often recurrent.

One victim tells of falling pregnant to her father at age 14 and that she did not know who the father of the foetus was because her school principal was also having sex with her. She was made to have an abortion and sent away to live with a grandfather in England to whom she often sent Christmas cakes - he thanked her and welcomed her into his home by fondling her breasts. Victims tell of "pre-sexing": untoward compliments and gifts, unwanted attention, indecent exposure and small sexual gestures directed towards them before the main advance. Victims also relate how sick they feel when they watch a younger sibling become the new focus of these gestures. Younger siblings, in turn, felt resentment at how older siblings, who themselves victims of abuse, began leaving home and staying out late, in an effort to protect themselves, but knowing that serial abuse, like worn out cast-offs , would inevitably be handed down.

I found it appalling that it was reported that in cases where victims told a parent, in no instance did that victim feel believed and supported:

"He used to live down the street, right? Right on our same street. He had a lot of children living with him already. He even had children for his children, all in the same house, and all of us knew that. When he was coming over by us, I told Mummy. I told her look, this man has children with his children and you’re letting him come in here with us? But she never took me on. She said she needs money to mind me, I better hush."

There are reports of mothers, confronted with the evidence, telling the reporting child to "have respect for her man". In many instances, mothers have put the child who complained out of the home and have chosen to keep the man in. A grandmother in Grenada was placed in a care home when she confronted her daughter's boyfriend, who was sexually abusing her grandchild. I read of a seven year old who was so badly raped she could not even walk. The report tells of two sisters who became pregnant by an abuser in what was regarded by many as a "normal" home when they were only 15 and 16, and where one sister tried to perform an abortion herself with a broken umbrella.

I read that transactional sex was rampant in Grenada-more so than in other islands. Girls are having sex for buckets of KFC, cell phone cards, Ipods, shoes and packets of weave. The tradition of the "boopsie" or sugar daddy is very much alive- there is a culture of teenagers having men purchasing them things in exchange for sexual favours. The role of the permitting parent was also explored. Several remarked that "These girls they want, they want, they want and the mothers are just like that too".


New evolving trends show that there is also real increase in cases where young men are having sexual relations with boys. This can involve buggery, indecent assault and other acts. In the Grenville Court in Grenada for example, there were five cases before the Magistrate (at the time of the report) involving what was reported as ‘unnatural connections’ between young men and boys. Case workers gave details of school girls who were leaving the island and going to other islands to be prostitutes. A policeman reported that "Business men are doing it with young boys for money. I know of a child in foster care who practiced bestiality with the foster parent’s dog after being abused". There are lots of cases of older men asking children as young as thirteen to "pose" for pornographic pictures, the last reported case being a well known foreign resident doctor.

Victims describe themselves as stuck in a crisis of self hate and self blame. One of them confessed to walking with knives everywhere. A few turned to alcohol and drug abuse, and most suffered from severe depression. Many could not have relationships based on trust. Some could not have a normal sex life with their husbands. A few are still angry with men, in some cases not trusting their husbands to care for, bathe and dress their own daughters. One interview stuck with me particularly, that of J- a thirty something year old professional. Her father, who had plainly abused her older sister (her older sister ran away and had never been found), started abusing her sexually at age 11 and this abnormal behaviour continued well into her thirties. A victim of classic Stockholm syndrome (where victims start having feelings for their abusers), she admitted only being able to orgasm with her boyfriend when she thought of her father having sex with her. She still lives with her parents, now sleeps in the same bedroom as her younger sister (to protect herself and her, she alleges) and had never previously told anyone her story.

P, a young 18 year old with learning difficulties tells of the severe physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his father, who confessed to hating "boy children". He tells of his father "feeding the girls" for "him to eat", explaining further "He sexing them. He fucking them up. And he used to take other boys too. They used to come over, those older boys, and play football and thing in we yard. He used to come out and play too. Then he used to send we in the shop and tell we don’t come back and he used to take them boys inside." As if this was not bad enough,  P then admits to the interviewer, that he too is an abuser, that he is like his father. The wheels of this repulsive cycle continue to turn.

Even more dumbfounding were some of the attitudes towards child sexual abuse. In Anguilla, for example, it was cited that "If you hit a cutlass in water it will not leave a mark", meaning that fondling and touching a child without penetrative sex is often not considered real abuse. Sex among bus drivers and school children is also commonplace and commented on but not considered deviant. Sex among teenagers and pre-pubescent children seems to be frowned upon but not "as bad" as adult-children sex. I found it astonishing that there were some stepfathers who had the belief that "they [stepdaughters] not eating my food for nothing" as if they had purchased the rights to the bodies of the children of their girlfriends as part of a buy one get one free deal. Young boys who performed "lineup" or "broffing" (sexual orgies, one at a time) on young girls are commended- this was looked upon as proving one's manhood. Equally so, are young boys who are preyed upon by older women. The remark was "Better for him" as opposed to a protective instinct. "He will be able to boast to his friends, I take a big woman today. Maybe it is abuse with no complaints".

The courts and the justice system seem to also show too high levels of tolerance, and because of this, are probably exacerbating tolerance of these practices in these close-knit communities. Fining is not uncommon for major sexual offences, and because of overcrowding in prisons, sexual abuse is regarded as a lesser crime. Laws are often old and archaic, relying too much on the testimonial evidence of the victims and their families (which is sometimes difficult to obtain because of the family dynamic) as opposed to forensic evidence to prosecute. The criminal justice system is failing: there is a substantial delay in prosecution, rampant bribery of individuals to discontinue court cases, and the UK inherited "honest belief in consent" defence, which perpetrators rely on. The law also does not require case workers to mandatorily report cases of child sexual abuse and there are often substantial repercussions for the victims in reporting the crime, in that the whole community inevitably found out about the abuse, leading to feelings of shame. Some victims felt compelled to migrate, to start over.

Dealing with cases of child sexual abuse in the Caribbean is harder than it seems as children who are victims often have no place to go. There is no welfare state offering a safe haven. There is no autonomous agency with the capability to handle the scale of the problem- Child Welfare Agencies are often understaffed and under resourced.

We need to start training out our teachers and community leaders to recognise and report suspected sexual abuse. We need to train young people so that they know that this is not acceptable and that they are not pawns that can be bought for specific bounties. We need to empower single female women who are heads of families economically, so that they do not feel trapped to sacrifice their offspring's childhoods so that they can eat. We need to be diligent with reporting.

Young men in Grenada had some words for the perpetrators: "flog them in the marketplace", "castrate them", "compensate the victims" "put them out in the sun with a cutlass to do hard labour". I accept and understand their sentiments but this too, separates the problem into them and us. We are all complicit. We should all be punished. I blame myself. I blame all of us who knew of and/or suspected this behaviour and allowed it to happen in silence, muttering about it behind closed doors, typical mute "mackos" without purpose. When a programme was broadcast over the internet revealing child abuse and incest in Grenada, many Grenadians were furious: "Its not here alone it does happen" was the prevailing sentiment. This is of no comfort to the victims, to the lives that are ruined by incest and child sexual abuse.

How many times have some of us known of instances of underage sex and said  "The girl was hot" or "she was looking for it", blaming the victim instead of the perpetrator? Teachers are in schools having impregnated teenagers and offering families money for abortions; the families of the teacher stay silent- family honour over child protection. Have we followed up the stories of "headaches and bellyaches" often used as a mask by victims of sexual abuse, with the children in our care? Have we taken steps to lobby for a Caribbean register of sexual offenders? Have we knowingly stepped out of the picture, because it is not our home, our family? Have we opened up our own homes to victims offering them some respite?

This report made me ashamed of myself. I am as bad as the perpetrators I every day protect. I fail victims who are lost in this vicious cycle each day I fail to act.